Love Yourself!!!

“Before you can love anyone, you have to love yourself. If you can’t even love yourself, are you sure you know what love is? So the next time before getting too involved in a romantic relationship, why not try building a relationship with yourself first?” -Yuting

I used to think I am a happy-go-lucky girl with no worries. I carry a happy and cheerful exterior and my friends are often curious about why I am always so happy. To them, I seem to have no worries in life. I used to think so too; that I am happy because my life is great and there is nothing to be sad about, perfect family, perfect boyfriend, good results, I get what I want. What's there to be sad about?

But one day, I realized something. I realized I am often reminding myself that I should be happy. In fact, my motto back in secondary school was Happy-go-lucky. I reminded myself to always stay happy despite all odds because I want to be seen as the HAPPY girl.

But do you see the problem there?

Someone really happy won’t have to think about being happy all the time, they don’t have to remind themselves to be happy, because they just are.

I started to dig deeper.

What is beneath that happy me?

Upon digging into my thoughts and feelings, I realized something horrifying. I was merely WEARING A HAPPY MASK. I was not as happy as I thought I was.

Beneath that HAPPY FACE, I found a layer of insecure, unconfident, shy, helpless me. A layer which I was ashamed of, a layer which I choose to hide beneath that Happy Exterior.

Upon discovering this, a hidden emotion surfaced. Beneath the layer of insecurity, I was an ANGRY person. I was angry because I blamed my insecure, unconfident, and helpless self on others. I blamed them for making me the way I am. I am like this because my parents overprotected me. They did not allow me to do what I like. If my parents had not been so strict with me…if there was more support…I would probably not be so insecure and unconfident. I had had a hard time getting acceptance and approval from people that matter to me.

If they had supported me and approved of all my actions, I would be confident and not self-conscious, and I would be happy because I would be comfortable being me! But now, because of them, I am the way I am.

Going deeper, I realized that beneath my anger, there was something else. It was a need to feel loved. I realized my self-worth was based on how much love is showered upon me. The more love felt, the more I feel that I am worth it. The more acceptance and approval I get from others, the more loved I feel and the more confident I also feel. 

And that, I realize was the greatest problem!

I did not LOVE MYSELF!

I tend to look outwards for social validation and approval. That’s why when I do not get that validation, I feel my self-worth threatened, and start to feel angry, helpless and insecure. I believe others are at fault for making me feel this way, what I did not realize was that I was responsible for all this.

I am responsible for the vicious cycle.

SIGNS I DID NOT LOVE MYSELF

After realizing this scary fact ( I used to think I love myself a lot…who wouldn’t?), I started seeing signs on how this was indeed true.

I am always seeing the best in people, but the worst in myself.

I feel that I am never good enough, always trying to improve myself and judging myself really harshly.

( Do you see some traits like this in yourself too?)

That’s what made me a perfectionist.

Here’s a glimpse of a note I wrote to myself one year back, in my diary.

Oh no. I discovered I am a perfectionist. Every point she said about how a perfectionist is like rings true to me. I often work too hard to strive for perfection, neglecting my mental health and social relations. Sometimes I am just too inflexible and rigid and afraid of criticism. This probably stems from the fact that my parents always ask me to try my best in whatever I do and my value of self worth is also measured by that as a result. I always spend lots of my precious time perfecting my work and taking care of minute details. This is probably the reason why I am always taking over projects and doing it all by myself. I need to learn to relax.

I need to see the bigger picture. What am I doing all these for? What am I trying to prove? Probably this is the reason why I am not setting goals because I am afraid of not achieving them. All-or-nothing mindset.Gosh.

What’s really scary is that, I did not even realize that all these habits and bad patterns stem from the simple fact that I did not love myself!

I keep seeking perfection around me, but never with me. I neglected my appearance, my well-being, and did not respect my time, my rest.

This realization got me thinking. It is time to LOVE MYSELF.

However, it’s easier said than done.

What does loving oneself actually mean? It’s tough to answer this isn’t it? Does it mean giving in to all our wimps and fancies? Do it mean succumbing to temptation? Does it mean possessing self-cherishing thoughts? Or is there something more?

Do YOU love yourself?

Therefore, I decided to start a campaign to remind others to ‘LOVE YOURSELF’.

Because, believe it or not, how much you love yourself will determine how far you will go in life, and whether you will lead a happy life or not. Because it shows how deserving you feel you are.

So JOIN ME as we start this journey of loving ourselves.

Now that we realized it is important to love ourselves, how should we go about doing it? Stay tuned to Part 2 of Love Yourself Series and I will address this issue! How should we start loving ourselves? It sounds simple but actually, when I first wanted to start, I did not know how to…

If you have thoughts or answers to any of my questions above, please comment and share your thoughts!!! =D

I’ll end with this article with an interesting MEME Dorothy posted on Facebook. An interesting food for thought.

This pictures shows how society is trying to brainwash you into thinking freedom is doing what society expects you to do to ensure its proper functioning.

Remember...You are only free when you make a conscious decision to BE FREE and BREAK FREE of all your limits!

Loving yourself involves first…

Gaining back the control

Doing things that you love

With Love,

Yuting